“We can’t not communicate” – this well-known quote by the Austrian-American communication scientist Paul Watzlawick already indicates how important communication is in our coexistence. What is behind it, why good communication is so important, why silence is also a type of communication and how successful communication works, you can find out in the following blog article.
What is communication?
Communication is the means of communication between people and is implemented with the help of “tools” such as voice, facial expressions, gestures and posture. Unfortunately, these tools are prone to misinterpretation. Therefore, poor or inadequate communication often leads to misunderstandings, which in turn can affect the relationship with fellow human beings. That’s why we depend on good communication skills from ourselves and others in both our professional and private lives. In order to improve our communication, let’s first learn more about the different types of communication.
What are the types of communication?
Our human communication has different dimensions: verbal, paraverbal and non-verbal communication. The former is the actual information content of our message or what we say. However, this only accounts for about 7% of what we summarize under the term communication. Paraverbal communication involves how we say something – through emphasis, tone of voice, and articulation. This aspect has a great influence on our communication, because as we all know: the sound makes the music. Non-verbal communication includes all other means of communication that have nothing to do with our voice, such as facial expressions, gestures and posture.
All these aspects can be found in our immediate, synchronous communication. In addition to synchronous communication, asynchronous communication has developed due to the emergence of new communication technologies such as smartphones . This means that the communication between both communication partners does not take place at the same time. Examples of this are WhatsApp messages, voice messages and, in a professional context, e-mails or exchanges via MS Teams. While these remedies have some advantages, they are also much more susceptible to misunderstandings. This is mainly due to the fact that the paraverbal and non-verbal elements of our communication cannot be used at all or only to a very limited extent.
The 4-ears model
This model is based on the assumption that every communicative message contains four different levels: factual level, self-revelation, appeal and relationship (1) . But what is behind the individual levels?
- Factual level: What you actually want to say
- Self-revelation: What I want to tell about myself
- Relationship: How to assess your counterpart and stand by each other
- Appeal: What you want from your counterpart
The receiver can in turn receive and interpret the sent message differently in the levels.
The iceberg model
The iceberg model divides communication into the factual and the relationship level (2). The factual level, or the “what”, represents the tip of the iceberg – this is the directly perceptible part, but only accounts for about 20% of what is said. The “how” or relationship level includes the invisible part of the iceberg that is responsible for about 80% of the communication. This includes feelings, intentions and one’s own perception, which, however, differ greatly from person to person.
As these two models already show, our interpersonal communication is much more extensive and complex than we usually assume. Unintentional misunderstandings can quickly arise. In order for open, respectful and polite communication to succeed, both in a professional and private context, there are a few principles to follow.
How can I improve my communication?
Listen
Listen carefully to your conversation partner to convey your respect. You can always include short questions or briefly repeat what has been said in your words. This way you show your counterpart that you are listening to him and have understood what is being said.
Let others finish talking and don’t interrupt
When communicating, it should be a matter of course that you always let your counterpart speak and don’t interrupt him – even if you spontaneously think of something important or disagree. Interrupting is rude and promotes a negative mood in the conversation. Show your interviewer that they respect him/her and acknowledge his/her opinion. Even if you have different opinions.
Sending “I” messages
Even though many of us think that our own opinion is the only correct one, this does not necessarily have to be the case. Because the way we perceive our world, what opinions we hold, and what we believe in depends to a large extent on how we have been shaped by our environment and our fellow human beings. That’s why every person perceives their environment differently and has individual needs and views. Therefore, it is important that we do not make general statements, but only speak for ourselves: not “you” but “I”.
Open, polite, respectful attitude
In summary, good communication is based on respect, politeness and the “I” messages. When sending messages, it is best to think about how they could be received by the recipient and specify our statements accordingly. In addition, we should value the opinion of others and possibly also question our own opinion again and again.
(1) Das Kommunikationsquadrat – Schulz von Thun Institut
(2) Schwarz, R. (2016). Grundlagen der Kommunikation. In: Geprüfte Schutz- und Sicherheitskraft (IHK). Springer Gabler, Wiesbaden. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-12634-6_37