“I’m just not good enough.” – “I can’t do it anyway.” – “I don’t deserve it.”
Do you recognize these thoughts? If so, you’re not alone—and, above all, you are not at the mercy of them.
What many people don’t know is that behind such statements lie so-called negative beliefs—deeply rooted convictions about ourselves that we (often unconsciously) accept as true. These thoughts can strongly influence our actions, self-esteem and relationships.
What are negative beliefs—and where do they come from?
Beliefs are like inner guiding principles or personal rules for living. They usually arise in childhood—through experiences with caregivers, school, social environments or repeated feedback. Some are helpful while others are limiting. These limiting beliefs shape our self-image, behavior and emotions—often without us even noticing.
Why beliefs block us in everyday life
Imagine you are wearing glasses—through them you evaluate yourself, other people and the world. If the glasses are clouded by negative beliefs, it becomes difficult to:
- Recognize and seize opportunities
- Set boundaries and stand up for yourself
- Develop self-compassion
- Be open and trusting in relationships
- See mistakes as learning opportunities
These thinking traps act like an autopilot—often leading to self-sabotage, emotional exhaustion or interpersonal conflict.
How to change your negative beliefs
The good news: beliefs are not set in stone. With reflection and practice, you can uncover them, question them, and gradually change them.
1. Recognize your beliefs
Pay attention to recurring thoughts such as:
- “I can’t do this.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “Others are better than me.”
Then ask yourself:
- Where did I get this thought?
- In which situations does it appear most often?
- Who originally expressed it—parents, teachers, peers?
2. Consciously question them
Negative beliefs only have power as long as you believe them. You can challenge them with questions like:
- Is this statement really true? Always?
- What evidence speaks against it?
- What would a good friend say to me in this situation?
- How would I feel if I let go of this thought?
3. Formulate new, empowering beliefs
The goal is not naive optimism, but realistic, compassionate thinking.
Examples:
- “I must not make mistakes” → “I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.”
- “I’m not good enough” → “I am fine the way I am—with strengths and weaknesses.”
What if you can’t do it alone?
Sometimes beliefs are so deeply ingrained that they strongly affect daily life—whether at work, in relationships or in how you treat yourself. In such cases, seeking professional help is not a weakness but an act of self-care.
Psychotherapy can help uncover deep-seated patterns, understand them and gradually transform them.
New paths, new experiences
Negative beliefs are like old maps: they once helped you find your way but may now be holding you back. You have the chance to draw new maps and walk new paths—with mindfulness, courage and compassion.
- Boden MT, John OP, Goldin PR, Werner K, Heimberg RG, Gross JJ. The role of maladaptive beliefs in cognitive-behavioral therapy: Evidence from social anxiety disorder. Behav Res Ther. 2012 May;50(5):287-91. doi: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2012.02.007. Epub 2012 Feb 28. PMID: 22445947; PMCID: PMC3327793.
- Rimes KA, Smith P, Bridge L. Low self-esteem: a refined cognitive behavioural model. Behav Cogn Psychother. 2023 Nov;51(6):579-594. doi: https://doi.org/10.1017/s1352465823000048. Epub 2023 May 12. PMID: 37170762.