Every person has about 60,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts determine how we feel, how we act, how we perceive the world and also ourselves. At first it seems a bit absurd that our own thoughts have so much power over our lives. But after this article you will know how it happens and what you can do to change your thoughts.
The story with the hammer
Our thoughts can unconsciously influence our behavior or trigger negative emotions. In the story with the hammer by Paul Watzlawik this becomes quite clear. It is about a man who wants to hang up a picture, but has no hammer. So he decides to ask his neighbor to lend him his hammer. But before he goes to the neighbor, he has doubts: What if the neighbor doesn’t want to lend me the hammer? Yesterday he already greeted me only so fleetingly. Maybe he was in a hurry. But maybe the hurry was just fake and he has something against me. But what? I didn’t do anything to him; he’s imagining things. If someone wanted to borrow a tool from me, I would give it to him or her right away. And why not him? How can you refuse such a simple favor to a fellow human being? People like this guy poison your life. And then he imagines that I depend on him. Just because he has a hammer. Now I’ve really had enough. – The man storms to the neighbor, rings the bell and before he can say “Good day!” the man yells at him, “Keep your hammer, you bully!”
We construct a reality for ourselves through our thoughts that rarely matches actual reality.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Our expectation of a situation can also influence its course. This phenomenon is called self-fulfilling prophecy and works for both positive and negative expectations. Simply by predicting that a certain event will occur, we can increase the likelihood of it happening.
Let’s imagine you have to give an important presentation. Before the presentation, you are already sure that you will fail. Your negative expectation causes you to be nervous and to fumble. Your prediction has come true. Your negative thoughts have made you feel insecure and thus influenced your behavior in the direction you predicted. However, if you go into the presentation with a positive expectation, it will most likely go well. You are convinced of success and therefore act confidently.
So we can use the self-fulfilling prophecy for us by trusting our abilities and believing in success. These positive thoughts will be reflected in our behavior. Of course, this is easier said than done. It is perfectly normal to be plagued by self-doubt from time to time. Then try to put them under the microscope: Are the doubts realistic? Where do they come from? By consciously confronting these doubts, you can disempower them.
Positive Mindset
In everyday life, we are more often preoccupied with negative experiences. We spend the whole day thinking about that one mistake, that one conflict. In the process, we forget all the completed tasks and beautiful experiences. With the following exercise you can learn to focus on positive thoughts and become more satisfied.
Keep a gratitude journal: Every evening, write down three things you are grateful for that day. It can be a smile from a stranger, coffee in the morning or beautiful experiences.
Inner dialogue
How do you actually talk to yourself? Annoyed and doubtful? Or motivated and loving? Such an inner dialogue usually takes place subconsciously. That’s why we often don’t even notice how negatively we think about our own self. Sentences like “I can’t do it!”, “I’m too stupid”, “I’m not sure if I’m well enough prepared” we all know. But it is these phrases that lead to anxiety and stress. In order to feel comfortable and perform well, we should speak to ourselves in a benevolent and motivating way.
How to track your thoughts
Create a thought log: During a difficult, stressful task, say all your thoughts out loud and record them with a smartphone. Later, you can listen to the recording again and sort the thoughts into positive and negative thoughts. Which thoughts strengthen you? Consciously recall these thoughts in the next difficult situation and thus change your old thinking pattern.
We are what we think. Everything we are is created from our thoughts. With our thoughts we shape the world.
Bhudda